Conflicted & Confused

It's hard to explain how I feel about the death of a horrid person who's responsible for the deaths of so many.  After the news last night, I felt a little shocked and a little at peace.  Shocked because it was just unexpected and at peace because - although senseless killings will continue, nonetheless, by those who choose to hate - he can't hurt anyone else.

But after the news spread and people started reacting, I felt something else - dazed, in disbelief, disturbed.  I'm disturbed by the celebration and downright giddiness of so many people.  I just don't quite understand it.  I know why - I get that.  He was a horrible excuse for a human being and so many people - so many innocent people, so many troops - so many died by his actions.  But the reaction of the masses is just leaving me a little uneasy, sort of sick-feeling.  I'm afraid and sad for people.  I just feel like we're so much more than this, we're better than this.  Arent' we?

I wish my daughter were older so that I could explain this whole thing to her.  I want to explain that sometimes people's lives are saved by the death of someone, but that doesn't mean we celebrate that death.

In all the buzzy madness, I searched for those who had the same reservations as I did because I felt so alone in my feelings.  I found them, but much fewer than I had hoped for.  The consensus seems to be to follow the crowd and celebrate, but I cannot.  And I will not.

I came across this quote and it summarized my feelings:

"I mourn the loss of thousands of precious lives, but I will not rejoice in the death of one, not even an enemy. Returning hate for hate multiplies hate, adding deeper darkness to a night already devoid of stars. Darkness cannot drive out darkness: only light can do that. Hate cannot drive out hate: only love can do that"

— Martin Luther King Jr.